Answering these questions will help you know whether you should stay in the relationship or whether it's time to break it off.

Relationship Inventory Part 1: Draw two columns on a piece of paper. In the first list, list all the positive qualities of your partner that you remember. The second contains all his negative qualities. For example:

Positive qualities:

1. He's an old friend.
2. He's kind.
3. He's gentle.
4. He has a good job.
5. He is financially stable.
6. He's smart.
7. He is a romantic.
8. He has a good sense of humor.
9. He has no ex-wife or children.
10. He gives compliments.

Negative qualities:

1. His lives are too far away.
2. He has many health problems.
3. He has almost no friends.
4. He goes to bed much later than me.
5. He doesn't like to travel.
6. He is a pessimist and always prepares for the worst.
7. He suffers from excessive worry and worry about everything.
8. He's homey.
9. He doesn't satisfy me in bed.
10. He likes to talk to me on the phone much more than I want him to.
11. We have serious differences in political views.
12. He brags about his ex-girlfriends.
13. He complains about other people too often.
14. He constantly talks about his problems.

1. He's not generous.

In this particular case, the negative qualities prevailed over the positive traits.

Then think about your top 10 priorities in life and see if your partner can help you achieve them.

Relationship Inventory Part 2. List the top 10 priorities in your life. Please mark "YES" or "NO" as to whether your partner can help you complete them.

1. Travel - NO
2. Home - NO
3. Generosity - NO
4. Sex - NO
5. Social life - NO
6. Conversations - NO
7. General compatibility - NO
8. Romance - YES
9. Compliments - YES
10. Friendship - YES

In this woman's case, the man she was dating could only improve three of the ten priorities in her life.

Once the work of creating these two lists is done, review the data to answer the final question: “Will this person improve my life?”

As you can see, for the woman in the example, it appears that her partner's negatives outweigh the positives, but the good news is that, armed with this information, she can identify the source of her frustrations in the relationship.

This gives her two options for developing the situation:

1. She can discuss these issues with her partner and see if the relationship can improve.
2. She may leave the relationship to find someone who is more suitable for her.

If you choose the latter, don't be sad because you have a better chance of finding someone who is more compatible with you mentally, emotionally, sexually and spiritually.

Remember, it's better to be single than to be with someone who doesn't fit what you're looking for in a relationship.

With this test, you can determine what exactly your marriage is more like - a dark dead end or a simple friendly coexistence. Perhaps it is time for you to study the Civil Code regarding how divorce occurs, or perhaps at this point it will be enough to simply contact a family psychologist.

Do not forget that there are no perfect marriages, but in some situations such situations are created when it is not too late to address your mistakes and return closeness and mutual understanding to the family. Using our test, you can understand how strong your relationship is, but in order to ultimately really get a reliable result, always try to answer only sincerely and honestly, and not try to pass off what you want as reality. This test asks you to imagine yourself in several situations in which you may have never even been, but you need to clearly imagine that this is happening to you at the moment, and understand how you would act in a similar situation. Try to choose the behavior that is closest to what you or your spouse would do.

Take an online divorce test

1. Do you think that for some time now your work has been taking you more and more?

2. Do quarrels and disputes often arise in your family regarding raising children?

3. Don’t you think that you are using sedatives more often?

4. Do your partner’s constant complaints about poor sleep, appetite, well-being, and so on irritate you?

5. Do you feel uncomfortable when you definitely have nothing to say to each other?

6. Do you think it is possible to combine intense and fruitful work with ease of communication in the family?

7. Do you agree that the equality of women and men is a wild invention of feminist suffragists?

8. Don’t you think that the institution of family and marriage presupposes that exclusively the female half is fully loaded with household chores and only part-time work is done by the male half?

9. Do you prefer to watch TV in the evening, during dinner?

10. Are you firmly convinced that your partner mindlessly spoils the child and indulges him in everything?

11. Don’t you think that the family climate means as much to you as success in the service?

12. Have your sexual relationships with your partner lost their charm and sense of novelty?

13. Are you sure that there should be no conflicts in a good family?

14. Don’t you think that after every quarrel the gap between you becomes deeper?

15. Is there a miracle recipe for family happiness?

16. Do you agree with the statement that love is a constant struggle?

17. Are you convinced that you put your soul into your marital relationship and do everything in your power to make it even stronger?

18. Would you consult a psychologist if you notice that for some time now you have been moving further and further away from each other?

19. Do you agree that marriage is the ability not only to speak, but also to listen?

20. Do you agree that it is better to get a divorce in time than to drag out a tedious coexistence under the same roof with an unloved person?

21. Do you agree that it is better for spouses to spend at least a month a year apart?

22. Do you easily entrust the management of your family’s financial affairs to your partner?

23. If the child goes for a walk and you are left at home alone, how often do you spend time in silence?

24. Do you enjoy laughing at a joke you have heard repeatedly in a friendly company?

25. Do sweet love games still excite you?

26. Don’t you think that your relationship is improving after a long absence of one of the spouses, for example, on a business trip?

27. Do you know how to avoid topics that are obviously uninteresting or irritate your partner?

28. Do you feel more parental than marital feelings towards your partner?

29. Is your partner more of a “wallet” and a guarantee of a certain standard of living than a “pillow” on which you can cry to your heart’s content and relax?

30. Do you always notice and appreciate your partner’s efforts aimed at preserving the marriage?

31. Don’t you think that for some time now you have begun to pay more attention to your appearance?

32. Do you try not to remember past experiences and worries?

38. Don’t you think it’s never too late to start a new life?

39. Do you agree that there are successful marriages, but never wonderful ones?

40. Are you convinced that it is better not to try to plan anything in advance because of your partner’s carelessness?

The stability of your marriage is rated as high. You get along well with each other and your harmony in the family can only be envied. Well done, keep up the good work!

Your marriage is in crisis. This does not mean at all that you are not suitable for each other. However, you are faced with a number of important problems that require joint resolution.

The stability of your marriage is rated as very low. You have been seriously dissatisfied with your spouse for a long time and there is no trace left of the previous mutual understanding. It's time to take decisive steps.

You have an extremely high probability of divorce. You have been uncomfortable with each other for a long time. Understanding and mutual respect are not about you. By the way, why are you still together?

When should a man think about separating from his wife?

• she has ceased to be interested in your affairs and shows no desire to communicate;
• the slightest offense causes her indignation, and every conversation strives to turn into a scandal;
• does not invite you to meetings with friends or relatives;
• does not show a desire to look attractive to you;
• cold sexually.

When a woman decides to file for divorce from her husband

• reluctance to provide for the family;
• various types of violence;
• treason;
• addiction (alcohol, gaming, drug addiction).

Universal signs

• you haven’t had warm feelings for each other for a long time;
• tolerate living together for the sake of the children;
• minimized spending time together;
• there is no desire to do anything for the family.

Is divorce always the right choice?

You can forgive your loved ones a lot. But they must appreciate this and also strive to maintain the relationship. Otherwise, your attempts are another humiliation of your personality.

A test to help you make a decision

Test No. 1

Next to each statement, select your option: “yes” or “no.” If half or more of the statements are present in your relationship, divorce is most likely inevitable. If less than half, there is a chance to save the family.

• No common topics of conversation Not really
• All sorrows and joys are shared with others, not with you Not really
• Calm attitude of the wife/husband towards affairs on the side Not really
• There is no need to ask your spouse for help Not really
• Different views on life Not really
• Different goals yes/no
• You don't pay attention to your partner's appearance Not really
• Are you embarrassed to go out with him/her in society? Not really
• Different social circles Not really
• Different views on financial issues in the family Not really
• Frequent quarrels yes/no
• Conflicts affect children Not really
• Do you often think about divorce? Not really

Test No. 2

• How long have you been wanting to file for divorce?

• It was immediately clear that this union was short-lived 1 point
• About a year later 2 points
• Suddenly decided 3 points
• We've been thinking about this for a long time, but only now have we decided 4 points
• This is not a final solution 5 points

• Does your partner annoy you?

• Very annoying even in small things 1 point
• Often annoying 2 points
• Sometimes annoying 3 points
• Rarely annoying 4 points
• You are uninterested and bored with him 5 points

• What strength is your emotionality?

• You are reserved and calm 1 point
• No excessive emotionality 2 points
• Trying to control yourself 3 points
• Sometimes emotions run high 4 points
• You are very emotional and sensitive 5 points

• How do you think your husband/wife will react to you leaving?

• He will get angry and blame you 1 point
• Would like to return 2 points
• Completely immersed in work 3 points
• Pretends he's not in pain 4 points
• Will be very upset 5 points

• What will your life be like after divorce?

• Finally the long-awaited freedom 1 point
• Cope calmly without a partner 2 points
• The habit of a person will remind you for a long time, but you can handle it 3 points
• It won't be easy without him 4 points
• It's hard for you to believe that you are no longer together 5 points

• What's the scenario with children?

• No common children 1 point
• The other half does not participate in upbringing 2 points
• He/she rarely communicates with children 3 points
• Spends a lot of time with children 4 points
• Loves and cares for children very much 5 points

• Why did you decide to get a divorce?

• You were betrayed 1 point
• You were disappointed 2 points
• You have a new love 3 points
• This relationship is making you unhappy 4 points
• You need freedom 5 points

From 7 to 14 points

It will be easier for you if you leave, slamming the door loudly. Only then will resentment and anger at your partner stop destroying you from the inside. After this he will understand everything himself.

From 14 to 21

You don't have to explain anything if you're about to leave. But to avoid accusations, it is better to calmly explain why you made this decision. If you leave silently, the husband/wife will have a hard time dealing with the breakup and will not decide to enter into a new relationship for a long time.

From 21 to 28

In your case, you shouldn’t break your partner’s soul, and it’s better to leave his life quietly and unnoticed. It's better when he's not at home. Leave a note about your final decision. Otherwise, it will take a long time and you will need to figure out who is wrong and why.

From 28 to 35

Most likely, you should try to remain friends. Otherwise, the chain of your previous relationships will drag on for a long time: you are used to him, you are not a stranger to him. In this case, friendship will slowly but surely distance you from each other. As a result, you will stop communicating altogether.

35 points

For now, it’s better for you to put off the idea of ​​divorce. This will be a strong blow for your partner. Think about it, perhaps there are no serious reasons, and you are overwhelmed with emotions that push you to take such an action. It’s better to take a break from each other for a couple of weeks, live separately, and then calmly discuss everything.

What questions to ask yourself when in doubt?

If you answer all the questions honestly, you will be able to really assess the situation, and making a decision will be easier and faster.

1. If I get divorced
   – what will I get?
   – what will I lose?
2. How will my life change after breaking up with this person?
3. What new opportunities and plans will I have?
4. What problems might I encounter?
5. Will I be able to cope with them and what will I need for this?
6. What's the worst that could happen, what am I most afraid of? And what will I do in this situation?
7. Will I benefit the people close to me?
8. Will I hurt them with my decision?
9. Am I satisfied with these results and will I be able to put in so much effort and experience so many feelings?

When do you need a psychologist's consultation?

Many people believe that the help of a specialist will solve all problems. This is wrong. A highly qualified psychologist will never tell you what to do and how to do it. But he will help you find the true answers and strength within yourself to make a decision yourself. Therefore, you need to approach it responsibly.

You need to seek help if both spouses want to save the marriage, but they can’t do it on their own.

How does a person cope with divorce?

Everyone reacts to divorce differently, but everyone goes through certain phases of awareness:

• Shock phase
  Lasts about two weeks. During this period, a person does not believe what happened. It is important that you have family and friends with you whom you can completely trust.
• Depression phase
  During this period, different emotions can be overwhelming. Resentment, pain, guilt because they could not save the family. It is important to understand that both sides are to blame and accept this, only then will you be able to cope and survive this difficult situation.
• Residual phase
  It appears rarely, but is always accompanied by strong emotional outbursts. The reason may be family holidays spent for the first time without a spouse or a chance meeting with him. Frequent reminders of your ex – mutual friends, relatives, etc. – can make things worse.
• Completion phase
  The last stage of the “cure”. During this period, about a year and a half after the breakup, it is no longer so painful for you to remember your past love. Plans appear, the need for new relationships appears. When you realize you don't want to look back anymore, you're ready to start over.

To make it easier to cope with a breakup, change your environment. Start traveling or start rearranging your home. Change your hairstyle, hair color, go for treatments.

Do not abuse alcohol, otherwise depression will come with a new wave. Don't try to get back within a short period of time after the divorce. It will seem to you that you are ready to forgive all sins, but in reality this is not the case. If after six months the desire to return has not disappeared, then you can try again.

Alternative to divorce

Analyze your behavior first. Reconsider your attitude to various situations, stop blaming each other for all troubles. This is the key to mutual understanding.

Don't make a scandal

In a calm environment it is much easier to come to a compromise.

Help

If you see that your husband or wife needs help, do not be lazy to provide it. This will show that you care about the comfort of your other half and you care.

Support

Be, first of all, a friend and a psychologist who will regret and give advice. Learn to listen and understand each other.

Talk

If you see that the husband/wife is not making any attempts to save the relationship, there is no need to waste your life preserving the “empty” union. It’s also not worth enduring for the sake of the child. Very often, the most correct decision will not be to endure for the sake of the child, but to divorce for his own sake. He sees, understands and feels everything.

Today there are a lot of psychological practices, and rightly so.

When can you get divorced in Islam?

Islam does not approve of divorce. In the face of difficulties and disagreements, faith calls for patience, reflection and preservation of marriage. But still, divorce is not a sin. If a man makes talaq (oral or written declaration of divorce), he must wait 3 months. During this period, he is prohibited from having intimate relationships. Blame (when a woman demands a divorce) can only be for a specific reason. She returns the mahr and is considered a violator of the marriage contract. If the offender is a man, he compensates the mahr in full or leaves it to the woman. When a wife goes to court, she must prove that her husband has not fulfilled his marital duties. Legal reason for ending a marriage -
immoral and contrary to Islam behavior of the spouse, renunciation of Islam. If a woman or man leaves Islam, the marriage is annulled.

When can you get a divorce after the birth of a child?

You can file for divorce before the child’s 1st birthday. The divorce will be through the court due to the presence of a child. Based on the age of the baby, the father is seen outside the home and the court will not allow it without the presence of the mother. You can state in your request the order in which the child will be raised and in his decision the judge will indicate at what age he will see the child alone and how often.

When can you get a divorce after marriage?

You can apply for divorce immediately after the wedding immediately after receiving the marriage registration certificate.

When can you get a divorce at the registry office?

There may come a moment in a couple’s life when it’s as if the scales fall from their eyes and they realize that that’s it, this cannot continue. The relationship has reached a dead end and you need to end it right now, because it is poisoning your life and preventing you from moving forward.

But how do you understand that you cannot be together? After all, we girls tend to drag relationships down with us as a dead weight due to pity, habit, or some other feelings. By what signs can we say “Stop” to ourselves?

1. Insufficient communication

In the early days of your relationship, neither of you could go an hour without calling or texting each other. This was the norm. Now sometimes it even seems to you that he is deliberately ignoring your attempts to contact him.

2. No talk about the future

One of the most natural and delightful parts of any relationship is planning for the future together. Vacation plans, dreams of where you would like to build a house, coming up with possible names for future children - all this gives a feeling of security, the idea that you will always be together and grow old together. Try broaching the topic now - all you'll get is a muffled nod. Neither of you wants to discuss anymore where you want to go this summer or where you want to go on the weekend.

3. Reluctance to make an effort

At first, you couldn't decide what to do for both of you: hiking or a picnic on the river bank - everything was equally delightful and romantic. Now you don’t even want to make an effort and go to a restaurant or to the cinema in order to somehow support your outgoing passion. Your option now is to sit apathetically at home and watch TV. And it's good if together.

4. Quarrels become personal

You used to have minor, frivolous quarrels. Now this is a real war, where all means are good. You know each other's weak points and vulnerabilities well and use them to simply “get” your partner.

5. Quarrels break out instantly, everything is annoying

Even a slight hint that seemed annoying to you leads to you rushing into a quarrel without additional warning. If this is the case, then we can assume that you have deep grievances that poison the relationship. You will never look at your partner with the same eyes again.

6. Quarrels in public

If this happens, it means that you absolutely do not care whether anyone finds out about your problems, this is a sign that you have lost all respect for each other.

7. The desire for independence

At first, you were eager to spend every free moment together, starting with showering together in the morning. Now all you want is to meet with friends or even work overtime, just not to be together more than necessary.

8. Loss of trust

No comments here, because trust is the basis of any successful relationship.

9. Change in Perception

Do you remember when his button nose touched you and seemed charming? Or his short, strange laugh? How funny and affectionate he seemed! Today the same nose makes him look like a hog, and his idiotic laugh is completely annoying.